2022

31/12/2022

Oh 2022…; You’ve been eventful to say the least. There have been times that I cursed this year, that I really wanted to be done with this year, but actually; this year has brought so many good things that will actually help me to be able to enjoy all that is about to come to the fullest!

To start with the hard part:

-Corona hit me hard. Really took out loads of energy. Although really being sick only took about 10 days, the aftermath took much longer. When I was finally kinda up and running again and my favourite competition of the year came around the corner, my body was already going into the next downfall. I didn’t finish in my favourite competition and it really knocked me down for a bit. It was until weeks later that it made sense that I was not able to do so…
-One day, I was coaching a competition for 3 of the master swimmers from my swim club. I felt tired and was in quite some pain that even the strongest pain killers I got subscribed couldn’t take off the load. But I pushed through since I was told in the past that it just was “part of the deal of being a woman”. Somehow I managed to coach though the competition day, drive home and then finally realised, something was really off and called the doctors weekend office. I had to come to the hospital immediately since they wanted to check me in person. Not even 10 minutes in I had to drive to the other hospital in town since there was a more specialised team that also wanted to see me before going home. I drove there, with a high fever going on. Telling myself that I can easily handle this on my own. Luckily I got the other hospital, but on hindsight this was definitely not the smartest thing I’ve done taking so much risk with driving with a fever mind. At the hospital 3 gynaecologists and a nurse were waiting for me, supporting me and doing the exam on me. I felt held and supported through the amount of pain and fever I was in. Verdict: My left fallopian tube was extremely inflamed, radiating towards my left ovary that also started to infect. I was not allowed to go home for the next two night. And there I was… Only going to the check up to get some stronger pain killers. I did not bring anything to be prepared for a hospital stay. Luckily a dear friend was so sweet to pick up my key, get me the bare necessities and to help me in this. The week after this hospital stay was one of the hardest I’ve ever had. Never experienced loneliness on such a deep level. When I was finally clearheaded enough to voice this, I received the support needed, but f*ck this was hard.
-When finally recovered from the hospital stay, I got the worst and best news I could’ve gotten. Finally after over 12 years (actually it must’ve been over 15), I felt to be taken serious. I had an appointment with a gynaecological specialist in the field of Endometriosis. All the pain that I’ve been going through in the past years that I tried to ignore and suck up, that I had to talk down to something that wasn’t worth complaining about since it just supposed to be part of being a woman and all women are going through the same according to doctors in the past (thanks to several house doctors I’ve been visiting for this problem who made me feel like I was whining and that I should just suck it up… (short side note: my current house doctor, a woman, was the first one to really listen and giving me a referral to see a specialist. Unfortunately that was too late since I was in hospital 3 days later.)). Verdict; definitely Endometriosis. In combination with me being a carrier of Factor V Leiden, the only solution would be to take out my womb and fallopian tubes (leaving my ovaries to not go into menopause immediately since that would cause more risks for my Factor V Leiden). The choice was almost to easy to be made and in October my surgery would be planned. It felt like such a relief to be seen in this!
-I had to step out of two relationlike things that were pretty toxic for me. The upside of this, I managed to realise this way sooner than in the past!
-The last downside of this year, was my health resistance after the surgery. I think I’ve managed to get every type of cold and flu that were going around with friends, family and colleagues in the last months of this year since I was able to go out again after the surgery. But having said that… Looking back on this, the positive in this year was definitely the part that outweighed this year!

The positives:

-I was able to swim some really nice open water contests. Amongst one where I could swim between mesmerizingly beautiful jellyfish. Not knowing that this would be my last swim outside before my surgery. I fully embraced this swim as if something in me already knew what was coming... Enjoying every stroke, feeling the sunshine on my body and soaking in every detail while going though a decent amount of pain. I finished while the speaker commented on how tough these last metres looked for me. Little did he know… hell, little did I know at that point!
-I became one of the head coaches of my swim club!
-During summer I’ve been asked by a swim club to be a guest coach for the summer and afterwards they have asked me to organise a swim clinic/workshop every quarter of the year for 2023.
-I finally started to visit concerts again, some with friends, some alone. Seeing bands I really love like Gang of Youths, Greatest Hits, Billy talent, Guano Apes, Frank Turner, Nada Surf and some others. That felt so good!
-I’ve been able to be much more clear about my needs and boundaries.
-I’ve gotten a clear mind about what I would love to realise in my professional career and working hard towards reaching that goal in the upcoming years.
-My surgery happened way sooner than expected. On the 7^th of September I got the call if I could have my surgery not even 24 hours later on the 8^th. Without having time to let it sink in or even start to worry about all, the surgery happened. All I did in between that said call from the hospital and the surgery itself, were the bare necessary and I asked myself: what do I really want. The answer: Swimming. So on the day of the surgery, I went for one last swim practise and not even 5 hours later, I was in surgery. Without any complications during the surgery, all went smoothly. Afterwards hearing that it was not only Endometriosis but also Adenomyosis, a chronical infection going on, two cysts (one was severely infected), several adhesions due to the Endometriosis. I short the whole fun package. Within 3 days after the surgery I was off of all pain killers and felt better than ever before! Even with the soreness/pain from the surgery itself.
-I learned to accept my current state of my body and learning to trust in the knowledge that I will be able to turn my body into a healthy vessel again in 2023!
-I’ve gotten two new small tattoos for Tiwaz (my “little lion” that passed away in 2021) and Baldur (who is alive and kicking and living with amazing people). I had to give them up years ago since I couldn’t give them the attention and space that they needed. They’ve been living with a friend and his wife (and now daughter) for several years now, but they still feel/felt like my “little” babies. When Tiwaz passed, I cried, felt heart broken and decided that for the both of them I wanted a tattoo to keep the both of them close to me forever. And finally this year, I got these tattoos.
-All the friends and family that picked me up when I really needed it through the tough times. Being there for me after my surgery. The weeks after really felt like a relaxed breeze where I could fully focus on recovering.
-A new hobby presented itself. Thanks to Jelle who asked me to co-host a radio show he is doing once a week, I became one of the co-hosts as well now on almost a weekly basis. It’s so much fun to do this! Learning so much from doing this; Learning to not making myself as small as I used to, learning to voice myself, learning something completely new. So… in the new year tune in every Thursday night between 21:00 and 23:00 (on more rare occasions between 20:00 and 22:00) and hear me and my co-hosts at Live & Puur on RopRockRadio! Often there is a live band playing some sets and in between we play our favourite songs, or songs requested by the band that is playing or by the audience. You can find it via the website of the radio station or on the app TuneInRadio. Thanks to this new hobby, I get to know bands that I didn’t hear before. The pearls in this discovery in the past months were definitely Sway, The Mieters and King Fisher.

For 2023 there are a few things that I hope to achieve:

-Finish the course as swim coach I am currently doing
-I want to attend the Vlinderslag gala where I will do an attempt at the 1 k Butterfly. The goal is to start and see where I’ll end. Finishing is not the goal. Feels much more kind towards myself to approach it like this and after being sick the past days.
-I want to cross the IJsselmeer again while swimming!
-I want to attend as many open water swimming contests as possible.
-I want to attend a swim camo to improve my swimming
-I finally want to start surfing again!!!
-I want to visit many more concerts
-I want to pick up my social life again more, since I’ve been missing out a lot on it because of being sick or in pain.

But most of all: I want to be happy, healthy and enjoy life to the fullest, sharing this with dear friends and family.

For 2022: Thank you to everyone who played part in it, in whichever way. Thanks for the lessons, the laughs, the joy, the shared emotions, the warmth, the conversations, the hugs and kisses, the closeness, the kind words, the care, the shared memories, the naughty and the nice, the invitations, your time. I’m in awe of all the good that has been there.

2023: Here I come. Let’s make the most of it and enjoy every moment in whatever way you will present yourself!

For everyone: Einen guten Rutsch! Stay happy and healthy during this last day of the year and for 2023: I wish you to be able to create the most beautiful of memories. That you will be happy, healthy and surrounded by loved ones.