Last Monday I had a beautiful experience during a tantra workshop. It was a playful, open minded and easy going sesion where you stayed dressed. Only young people participated (below 39). One of the parts of the evening really impressed me and keeps being played in my head.
I am wandering slowly through the room. All others move slowly along. Some are trying to make eye contact, some trying to avoid to meet the eyes of others. There is a kind of vibrant atmosphere going hanging around us. Walking along others, you can literally feel their excitement, their vulnerability, their passion or nervousness. Some feel more secure than others, but somehow it all belongs here. A soft voice tells us to find a partner for the next exercise. My eyes start wandering, and there is a guy standing in front of me. His expression is soft, warm, inviting and playful. I immediately feel a kind of connection with him. I can't really put into words why and how, but it felt like he should be the one to share the next moments with.
Every couple has to find a place to sit together on the ground. Facing each other, without touching. We may not talk, only take the time to gaze into each other's eyes. It feels pleasant to see him. While time is passing by we smile at each other, sometimes a bit shy, sometimes playful, sometimes with a kind of longing. All others in the room seem to have disappeared, it is just him and I in this tiny universe we have created by connecting through each other's eyes.
After a while the soft voice asks us to close our eyes and just be there. Sense each other's presence without touching and just breath. Sending and receiving love. Welcome pain, welcome whatever you feel. After a while I want to rest my hands in another way. By moving mine, our hands touch. I’ve never experienced before how intense just the touch of hands could feel. I feel warm, excited almost ecstatic. Our hands hold each other, caress each other's palms and forearms. Soft, caring, loving, firm. It feels intense.
When the soft voice asks us to open our eyes again, it almost feels like I am getting pulled out of a different universe. Back to the room we were, our hands still touching. Our eyes warm, inviting, lustful, playful and happy gazing at each other. When the soft voice tells us to turn around and sit with our backs against each other, we seem to be hesitant to let go of each other.
Sitting against his back I feel his warmth. Strangely no thoughts go through my mind. I feel a peaceful silence and all I am aware of, is him being close to me. I feel strong and vulnerable at the same time. Time slowly passes by until we are being told to sit facing towards each other again. We smile, our pupils dilated sharing playfulness and longing.
Up to that point we haven't communicated by talking. Only our eyes and touch could tell each other what was happening between is. The voice tells us to share what is on our minds, but with a twist. One of us had to close their eyes and tell whatever's happening in their lives that brings them suffering or pain. The other may only listen, with eyes opened. With a playful sign language he asks me how to decide who takes which role first. Stone, paper, scissors. There seems to be some kind of lust in his eyes. We laugh and decide that he can share his story first. I feel impressed by his openness. I observe him while his story leaves his lips. I see sadness and pain, but also pride. I see how his posture changes with the part of his feelings he is sharing. When his eyes open, there is a kind of vulnerability and relief. We smile before we change the roles. I don't really know what to share with him. Currently I feel really good, life seems to be bright and I feel on top of this world. I decide to share him some things that changed my life and what resulted in the way I am feeling today. But at a certain point I am stuck. There are no more words coming out of my mouth… Then he softly breaks the roles we had, and tells me it's okay. I feel how his hands pick up mine again and while I keep my eyes closed we talk a little, softly. The touch of his hands even feels more intense than before. There is a pure connection between us that seems to have grown in a very short amount of time and it just feels like this is meant to be at this very moment.
The voice tells us that we may stop sharing our stories, that we may stand up and put away the cushions we used to sit on to clear the floor. We both sense that we do not want to leave each other just yet. Still holding each other we get up and then I feel his arms around me. Caressing my back, my arms, my head. I feel his warm body against mine and I feel a kind of ecstacy going through my body and mind. For a second we gaze into each other's eyes and the our lips find each other whilst closing our eyes again. We share a soft but powerful kiss that tells so much about what we feel right now and what we are longing for… we cuddle and caress each other further until we are aware that all others around us have started to move. Hesitantly we let go of each other and go our own ways.
At the end of the night we said goodbye to each other with a warm and loving, caressing hug. We haven't exchanged names, numbers or whatsoever. What happened tonight seemed meant to be for us. And now we are both again beautiful strangers towards each other. Not knowing if we will ever meet again. We shared a deeply connected moment of pure love and lust. Something I have never experienced in this way before. Somehow I am completely at ease with the fact that I might never see him again and just have the memory of this mesmerising moment.
Beautiful stranger, thank you for creating this beautiful tiny temporary universe of love and lust with me. Thank you for sharing your love and warmth. May you be happy, loved and loving forever.